67 days off of Adderall and it is seemingly getting worse by the day. A heart attack wasn’t enough. Having to change my life wasn’t enough. Now, I’m a corpse of my former self. I don’t what the fuck caused the heart attack. It could have been anything. I cut high in cholesterol food out, stopped Adderall, and stopped drinking (for the most part). I’ve taken care of myself. I don’t have anyone to take care of me. I sure as shit don’t want to bother anyone.
All that being said, I lay here now, tired. There is no other word, possibly clinically depressed? But tired. Exhausted… I sleep late, go to bed early and I am hungry or eating all day. I have no desire to go to the gym, even as my weight continues to go up and up. I feel like a victim. A victim of everything that I’ve ever been through. Coming back from such deep darkness has always been a strength of mine. This darkness just isn’t leaving. I’m tired. Exhausted…..
Maybe I’ll start tomorrow. Maybe I’ll get up early and go to gym. Maybe I won’t, again.
Quiet Desperation 